Testimony - Missions and Adoption

Before I get to my last bit of testimony sharing, I wanted to write up a quick update about the adoption. We (Wife and I) are now waiting for the governments to do their piece. The Liberian and US governments have or will be receiving our applications and paperwork, woohoo! The finances piece of this adoption are falling into place, Thank You Lord. An unexpected grant (THANK YOU!!!!!) as well as other things here and there are making this adoption possible. God is so awesome when He tells you something, He means it. Amazing and Humbling.

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Wife has wanted a large family forever. I knew this getting into the relationship. What I also knew was: I was going to change that desire in her. I didn't want kids at all. We had Uno and I instantly had a love for someone that isn't even human, so at that point, I only wanted 1 child. 2 and 1/2 years later we had Dos and again I had that indescribable love for him. At this point I was content having maybe a half child more and a dog so we could the All-American family. With Wife having life threatening pregnancies, we followed the doctors advice and made it 97% probable that we wouldn't have anymore children naturally.

After Dos was born, Wife started the serious talk about adoption. I was seriously not listening :). I wanted nothing to do with it, I liked our life, I liked having stuff and I liked serving me. I wasn't living for God yet and I wasn't putting my all into my marriage. Life for us was going as good as it could considering 1 of us was dedicating her life to Jesus and another was dedicating His life to his own selfishness.

Years would go by before adoption became a reality. Wife and I would talk about it, attempt to bargain things for adoption ("Hey...when I get my truck we can adopt"...."When I have a big screen tv....you can adopt"), but in the end I still wouldn't budge on my desire to keep us a family of 4. It boiled down to I wasn't appreciating her amazing ability at being a mom, I wasn't being man enough to see God talking to us through her and I wasn't loving her enough to stop being so selfish.

As the years passed and I finally said to God YES I am living for you alone, my heart changed as well. I can't explain it except that God was at full work inside me. Wife and I worked through some amazing junk and finally, after all of our "negotiations", "discussions" and her deep prayers, I gave in. I didn't give in to her and her wants...I gave in to God pushing me to listen to him and understand: It's not all about you.

Having that talk with Wife, saying yes...lets adopt, felt like I was saying Yes to God and listening to His direction for our life. It hurts my man pride to say Wife heard God years before I even tried to listen, but that's not the point (I guess :) ). So we adopted. It wasn't an easy process. It took a failed placement of 2 little ones and numerous situations that seemed to be "the child for us" to only have them fall through. God made sure I understood that just because I heard His direction, it was still all in His hands and He was going to mold us and shape us both into the parents He wanted.

February of 2006, we finally brought home our 2 youngest daughters. And the love I have for the biological kids is there for them as well. It took time and adjustment but it's there and I can't imagine life without them. I didn't think a family of 6 was going to be as much fun as a family of 4...but as usual I was wrong :)

One Sunday in December of 2005, I went to church for the first time alone. Wife and the kids were sick, but I felt a need to go, which was a first for me. I was saved but still trying to find my way. At the beginning of the service, our pastor got up and starting talking about the unreached of the world. He talked about the millions who haven't had a chance to understand who Jesus is and what He has done for us. He talked for about 10 minutes or so about this, and I could feel God stirring in me. This was the first time since surrendering my life, that God really grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me to the core. I was sweating, shaking and confused for that whole service. Afterwards I went to talk to the pastor about how I could help or what I could do. He wrote down the name of the Missions director, who happened to work 4 offices down from me at the same company!!!!

This started a life changing journey. I ended up on the European Mission team at our church. In October God afforded me the opportunity to go on a mission trip to Romania. While gearing up for that trip, a team to go to Liberia was being formed. I felt that pull from God to put my name on the sign up sheet. I knew I wouldn't get chosen since I was getting ready for a trip to Romania. Again...I was wrong. I interviewed and God showed his sense of humor by putting me on that team as well. In a 3 month period I'd spend 10 days in Romania and 10 days in Liberia.

Romania was a life changing adventure. It opened my eyes to the ways of life in other parts of the world. It was my first trip out of the country and God showed me what he wanted me to do for life. I've been called by God to share Him with all I meet, be it in Romania or my home town. He showed me that God is God everywhere and it doesn't matter what language you speak or what you pray about, He is God.

Liberia was a trip that brought us to see the realities of civil war and economical hardships. God again showed himself through these people. The love He has for them is so clear by their desire to give Him all the glory for all they do have. Being there also opened my eyes to the needs they have and how much we do have in this country.

So when Wife started talking adoption again...it didn't take 5 years for me to understand what needed to be done. God brought me to Liberia for a reason. He opened my eyes and heart to those in need. It made perfect sense when we prayed about adoption again, that we were drawn to Liberia. As most of you know, we'll be adopting 3 kids this year from Liberia. I can't wait to get them home and start the process of being a family of 9!

God is so amazing and good. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if he can change me....ANYONE can be saved and enjoy the life of a relationship with Him. It isn't always easy...especially with those you know from your past life, who question and doubt who you are. But it doesn't matter...All that matters is serving our King and Lord, Jesus Christ.

God is Good!

Testimony - A New Life

Wife and I move alot. We are currently in our 4th house in 6 years. In November of 2003 we moved to Oxford Massachusetts and started going to CrossPoint church. I was so uncomfortable looking for a new church. And when I say I was uncomfortable looking for a new church, I mean I was uncomfortable with Wife looking for a new church. I took no interest in finding one. As much as god was starting to stir in me, I was ready to drop this whole "church" thing and not go anymore. BUT, low and behold she found a church similar to CrossWay in our last town. So we went, some of us more begrudgingly then others.

This was the first taste of God showing is humor and power. He moved us from a place I was comfortable being one of the faces in the crowd, to Touchy/Feely Central. The pastor there, Jeff...he freaked me out to no end. He's a hyper, huggy, jumping up and down, outwardly a Jesus Freak. Here I am, just barely getting comfortable with the idea of church, and now this guy would tell me he loves me, hug me, ask about my family and work. In a word - "Nut Job". (ok that's 2 words, but you get the point). I was ready to quit but once again, Uno and now Dos kept me going. I never want to disappoint my kids and wife. I have many times, probably will a few more times, but I knew I wouldn't have been a disappointment to them if I kept going, even if my heart wasn't fully in it.

Jeff turned out to be one of the key reasons I accepted Jesus. All that freaked out nonsense turned into a real deep respect. I still never showed I was into all the stuff the church was doing, but every Sunday we would be there and I would be soaking it all in. We stayed at that church for just about 2 years until we moved (again). I had accepted a job in Mayberry and we were moving out of New England for the first time.

About that job in Marberry: A Divine Move by God. Wife and I couldn't afford the bills and cost of living where we were. In September or October of 2004, I started to look for a new job. I wanted to work with one software so that's all I did my job searches on. Fast forward to March of 05, with no real leads on a job. I gave in and did 1 search for the software I did not want to work with anymore, applied to 2 of the jobs I found. A week later Wife and I are on the plane to Mayberry to interview for the job I eventually took.

As we prepared to move to Mayberry, we were cleaning out our house for the move. I brought a bunch of donation items over to the church and I had a short, but life changing talk with Jeff. I apologized to him for never being the religious type and for always being so quiet and non responsive to him and the church. He talked to me for a little while and told me, and these words will stay with me forever, “It’s not how religious you are, it’s how your relationship with Him is”. (to many, this may be the most "whatever" statement, or full of so much common sense, but for me then and even now, it was like someone took the blindfold off.

Those words stuck with me as I drove by myself to Mayberry, to start my new job. Wife and the kids would meet me down there a few weeks later. That 4 day drive down from Massachusetts to Texas ended up being me and God having a 4 day conversation. I gave my life to Jesus on that trip. Each night in whatever hotel I was staying in, I would be reading something from the bible, trying to figure out what I just accepted. I'd end up thinking about how real Ron was. I'd think about the passion Jeff portrayed. I'd think about how Andy and Wife changed, but didn't change (if that makes sense). I'd pray about Jesus up on that cross. It was an amazing 4 days. I want to say it was totally quiet and solemn, but I had Metallica and Korn playing in the background. :) It's was and still is a life long process!

Life didn’t change too dramatically for me right away. I was more comfortable going to church. I actually looked forward to finding a church with Wife , instead of her finding it and I just tag along. In the 2 years or so that I've been focusing on Jesus, Wife and my lives have changes so much. We've adopted 2 little girls. I've cleaned out my closet with my wife and God saved a marriage. I've been on a few mission trips. We are adopting again :).

Those are all nice and fine...but the most important thing I see that has happened is Wife and I are trying to make decisions for God and not for us. We focus on God and our family. Wife pretty much always has focused on the family...I was so focused on me. God has really moved me to clean up my act. And while I'm still a sinner (aren't we all)...my eyes are focused up and not around.

--GOD'S AWESOMENESS DURING THESE TIMES--

Did you read that I spent 4 days talking to him :) How amazing is that? God picked me and my family up from Massachusetts and all the distractions that were pulling us away from Him (or in my case, the distractions keeping me from Him) and He plopped us down in the middle of nowhere. Literally...We are about 5 hours away from any major cities. But He knew, and we understand that this is what was needed.

I pray that this story will inspire someone who isn't in a relationship with Jesus to see: If God can save a sorry, selfish, self serving person like me, He more than wants to have that intimate 1 on 1 relationship with you. And for those who have fallen away...No matter what you may have done, not done, how quiet it may be or how noisy it seems...He's still there and he's waiting for you to come back home.

My last post about my testimony will be directly related to missions and adoption.

God is Good!

Testimony - Transformation Begins

Wife and I were married on June 26th, 1999, but not before enduring a lot of past issues I brought into the relationship. Anger and depression were the focus of my life, until Wife got pregnant in 1998. During that pregnancy, she almost died (as did the 26 week fetus, later known as Uno!) due to complications. It’s at this time that the reality of something else was at play in this world. I want to say I hit my knees and prayed, but I didn't. But it was the first time I remember thinking, IF there is a God, I hope he's working up there to fix this.

After being married for 2 years or so, we moved out of our first apartment together into our first house. It was about this time that Wife started to go to church with her brother and fully gave her life over to Jesus. As she started to grow in her relationship with God, she made sure to go every Sunday taking Uno with her. I used staying home with our young son as my excuse for not going. But in reality, I was just totally uninterested in the whole church scene. I wasn't religious...and those words would come back to slap me in the face a few short years later.

In January 2002, my father called me and told me my mother was dead. She was living with my sister and her mother in a double wide up in Maine and she was found face first on the floor. What an enormous kick in the stomach. Even though she said she wasn't drinking, I knew she was an alcoholic. I just had no idea she was close to dying because of it. We are told she had an ammonia burst in her brain, due to cirrhosis of the liver. Cleaning out her home, we found empty bottles under her bed. That totally broke my heart. She and I had so much unresolved conflict and situations. Mostly around her drinking and me needing to be away from that and not putting my young family into situations to be around it. She thought I didn't love her anymore and didn't want her to know my children. How so far from the truth. I was so mad at her for just up and dying on us without working with me to fix it all. It's my prayer now that she did know Jesus and she is worshipping our king. I know our "issues" are resolved now and I just pray I can have time to worship with her someday.

I hated church. I hated the awkwardness of it, I hated the staleness of it. I hated the hugging and touching. I hated the singing. I would sweat and feel sick and uncomfortable. It didn't help that for the most part, the only churches I ever set foot in were Catholic. (sweet depression!) I stayed home while Wife went to church every week. She didn't push me, but she made sure I knew she didn't approve.

As time went on, the onslaught from these "Bible Thumpers" (by bible thumpers I mean my wife and her brother) happened more often. Wife and I would "discuss" the bible and I'd have every reason in the world why it was fake. One time in particular that stands out to me, was a night at the dining room table. It was me, Wife and Andy (her brother) and we would just go back and forth...it was an amazing debate. I'd get so upset inside, but still push forward with my thoughts and views. I remember saying so many bad things about the stories, the realness of the bible and about Mary and Joseph (I still apologize Lord for those thoughts.).

As Dos (our son) got to an age where I couldn't use him as my "reason" for staying home, as well as Uno being older and questioning why I wasn't going with them, I finally had to go to church. Uno is the most amazing little girl and is the biggest reason I am the slave to Christ I am. If she wasn't so in touch with God at such a young age and wasn't so concerned over me not going, I don't know if I would have gone at all.

CrossWay church in Nashua New Hampshire is where I first heard about Jesus in a church setting. I had heard about Him all the time from my wife and her brother, but when I would be in a church, I never paid any attention. This church though, is where my curiosity was peeked. I wasn’t looking to become “religious” (that word again), so I just listened and in doing so I started to become interested. The pastor (Ron) at that church was the first “religious”(that word just keeps following me) person I had seen that was what I would have considered normal. This guy would talk about sports and his kids and the normal parts of life. It was all about Jesus, but he was so open with his human qualities. I didn’t think much of it then, but I think about that a lot when I look back on my journey to find Christ. I give so much credit to certain people (and 1 God), but this one pastor up in Nashua NH has no idea how much he influenced me and my thoughts/impressions of Christianity.

I'd like to say it was here I gave it all to God...but I was and still am a stubborn little boy. I'd still hang out at church quietly, arms folded and not very personable. BUT, the seed was planted....

--GOD'S AWESOMENESS DURING THESE TIMES--
Wife didn't die. How understated is that. She was given her last rights by the priest in that hospital when she was in preterm labor with Uno. She didn't die and neither did Uno. Wife and I sinned by having premarital sex, yet Our God blessed us with an amazing daughter who was instrumental in bringing Wife and I to Him. Words can't even begin to describe the awe I feel when I think about this.

When my mother passed away, I was so absolutely angry with her. What a dark time. It was a perfect opportunity for Satan to take control of me. I wasn't ready to hear Jesus...but He was there to guide me through those issues. Through my amazing wife and children, God more than gave me a reason to continue trying to be the "good person" I always thought I was. But He knew...He knew I would come to Him a broken man and turn all I have in this world over to Him.

God also knew what it was going to take to get me open my eyes to Him. He put Wife and I into a church that showed the truths about Him. Had He not put us in CrossWay Church but rather some dry church or another catholic church, I know I would have quit. But instead we were sitting in a seat (not a pew) and listened to this Pastor talk about football and his children and wife. God uses all things of this world, to remove us from this world. (if that makes sense)

Final part tomorrow.

God is Good!