Testimony - A New Life

Wife and I move alot. We are currently in our 4th house in 6 years. In November of 2003 we moved to Oxford Massachusetts and started going to CrossPoint church. I was so uncomfortable looking for a new church. And when I say I was uncomfortable looking for a new church, I mean I was uncomfortable with Wife looking for a new church. I took no interest in finding one. As much as god was starting to stir in me, I was ready to drop this whole "church" thing and not go anymore. BUT, low and behold she found a church similar to CrossWay in our last town. So we went, some of us more begrudgingly then others.

This was the first taste of God showing is humor and power. He moved us from a place I was comfortable being one of the faces in the crowd, to Touchy/Feely Central. The pastor there, Jeff...he freaked me out to no end. He's a hyper, huggy, jumping up and down, outwardly a Jesus Freak. Here I am, just barely getting comfortable with the idea of church, and now this guy would tell me he loves me, hug me, ask about my family and work. In a word - "Nut Job". (ok that's 2 words, but you get the point). I was ready to quit but once again, Uno and now Dos kept me going. I never want to disappoint my kids and wife. I have many times, probably will a few more times, but I knew I wouldn't have been a disappointment to them if I kept going, even if my heart wasn't fully in it.

Jeff turned out to be one of the key reasons I accepted Jesus. All that freaked out nonsense turned into a real deep respect. I still never showed I was into all the stuff the church was doing, but every Sunday we would be there and I would be soaking it all in. We stayed at that church for just about 2 years until we moved (again). I had accepted a job in Mayberry and we were moving out of New England for the first time.

About that job in Marberry: A Divine Move by God. Wife and I couldn't afford the bills and cost of living where we were. In September or October of 2004, I started to look for a new job. I wanted to work with one software so that's all I did my job searches on. Fast forward to March of 05, with no real leads on a job. I gave in and did 1 search for the software I did not want to work with anymore, applied to 2 of the jobs I found. A week later Wife and I are on the plane to Mayberry to interview for the job I eventually took.

As we prepared to move to Mayberry, we were cleaning out our house for the move. I brought a bunch of donation items over to the church and I had a short, but life changing talk with Jeff. I apologized to him for never being the religious type and for always being so quiet and non responsive to him and the church. He talked to me for a little while and told me, and these words will stay with me forever, “It’s not how religious you are, it’s how your relationship with Him is”. (to many, this may be the most "whatever" statement, or full of so much common sense, but for me then and even now, it was like someone took the blindfold off.

Those words stuck with me as I drove by myself to Mayberry, to start my new job. Wife and the kids would meet me down there a few weeks later. That 4 day drive down from Massachusetts to Texas ended up being me and God having a 4 day conversation. I gave my life to Jesus on that trip. Each night in whatever hotel I was staying in, I would be reading something from the bible, trying to figure out what I just accepted. I'd end up thinking about how real Ron was. I'd think about the passion Jeff portrayed. I'd think about how Andy and Wife changed, but didn't change (if that makes sense). I'd pray about Jesus up on that cross. It was an amazing 4 days. I want to say it was totally quiet and solemn, but I had Metallica and Korn playing in the background. :) It's was and still is a life long process!

Life didn’t change too dramatically for me right away. I was more comfortable going to church. I actually looked forward to finding a church with Wife , instead of her finding it and I just tag along. In the 2 years or so that I've been focusing on Jesus, Wife and my lives have changes so much. We've adopted 2 little girls. I've cleaned out my closet with my wife and God saved a marriage. I've been on a few mission trips. We are adopting again :).

Those are all nice and fine...but the most important thing I see that has happened is Wife and I are trying to make decisions for God and not for us. We focus on God and our family. Wife pretty much always has focused on the family...I was so focused on me. God has really moved me to clean up my act. And while I'm still a sinner (aren't we all)...my eyes are focused up and not around.

--GOD'S AWESOMENESS DURING THESE TIMES--

Did you read that I spent 4 days talking to him :) How amazing is that? God picked me and my family up from Massachusetts and all the distractions that were pulling us away from Him (or in my case, the distractions keeping me from Him) and He plopped us down in the middle of nowhere. Literally...We are about 5 hours away from any major cities. But He knew, and we understand that this is what was needed.

I pray that this story will inspire someone who isn't in a relationship with Jesus to see: If God can save a sorry, selfish, self serving person like me, He more than wants to have that intimate 1 on 1 relationship with you. And for those who have fallen away...No matter what you may have done, not done, how quiet it may be or how noisy it seems...He's still there and he's waiting for you to come back home.

My last post about my testimony will be directly related to missions and adoption.

God is Good!

Testimony - Transformation Begins

Wife and I were married on June 26th, 1999, but not before enduring a lot of past issues I brought into the relationship. Anger and depression were the focus of my life, until Wife got pregnant in 1998. During that pregnancy, she almost died (as did the 26 week fetus, later known as Uno!) due to complications. It’s at this time that the reality of something else was at play in this world. I want to say I hit my knees and prayed, but I didn't. But it was the first time I remember thinking, IF there is a God, I hope he's working up there to fix this.

After being married for 2 years or so, we moved out of our first apartment together into our first house. It was about this time that Wife started to go to church with her brother and fully gave her life over to Jesus. As she started to grow in her relationship with God, she made sure to go every Sunday taking Uno with her. I used staying home with our young son as my excuse for not going. But in reality, I was just totally uninterested in the whole church scene. I wasn't religious...and those words would come back to slap me in the face a few short years later.

In January 2002, my father called me and told me my mother was dead. She was living with my sister and her mother in a double wide up in Maine and she was found face first on the floor. What an enormous kick in the stomach. Even though she said she wasn't drinking, I knew she was an alcoholic. I just had no idea she was close to dying because of it. We are told she had an ammonia burst in her brain, due to cirrhosis of the liver. Cleaning out her home, we found empty bottles under her bed. That totally broke my heart. She and I had so much unresolved conflict and situations. Mostly around her drinking and me needing to be away from that and not putting my young family into situations to be around it. She thought I didn't love her anymore and didn't want her to know my children. How so far from the truth. I was so mad at her for just up and dying on us without working with me to fix it all. It's my prayer now that she did know Jesus and she is worshipping our king. I know our "issues" are resolved now and I just pray I can have time to worship with her someday.

I hated church. I hated the awkwardness of it, I hated the staleness of it. I hated the hugging and touching. I hated the singing. I would sweat and feel sick and uncomfortable. It didn't help that for the most part, the only churches I ever set foot in were Catholic. (sweet depression!) I stayed home while Wife went to church every week. She didn't push me, but she made sure I knew she didn't approve.

As time went on, the onslaught from these "Bible Thumpers" (by bible thumpers I mean my wife and her brother) happened more often. Wife and I would "discuss" the bible and I'd have every reason in the world why it was fake. One time in particular that stands out to me, was a night at the dining room table. It was me, Wife and Andy (her brother) and we would just go back and forth...it was an amazing debate. I'd get so upset inside, but still push forward with my thoughts and views. I remember saying so many bad things about the stories, the realness of the bible and about Mary and Joseph (I still apologize Lord for those thoughts.).

As Dos (our son) got to an age where I couldn't use him as my "reason" for staying home, as well as Uno being older and questioning why I wasn't going with them, I finally had to go to church. Uno is the most amazing little girl and is the biggest reason I am the slave to Christ I am. If she wasn't so in touch with God at such a young age and wasn't so concerned over me not going, I don't know if I would have gone at all.

CrossWay church in Nashua New Hampshire is where I first heard about Jesus in a church setting. I had heard about Him all the time from my wife and her brother, but when I would be in a church, I never paid any attention. This church though, is where my curiosity was peeked. I wasn’t looking to become “religious” (that word again), so I just listened and in doing so I started to become interested. The pastor (Ron) at that church was the first “religious”(that word just keeps following me) person I had seen that was what I would have considered normal. This guy would talk about sports and his kids and the normal parts of life. It was all about Jesus, but he was so open with his human qualities. I didn’t think much of it then, but I think about that a lot when I look back on my journey to find Christ. I give so much credit to certain people (and 1 God), but this one pastor up in Nashua NH has no idea how much he influenced me and my thoughts/impressions of Christianity.

I'd like to say it was here I gave it all to God...but I was and still am a stubborn little boy. I'd still hang out at church quietly, arms folded and not very personable. BUT, the seed was planted....

--GOD'S AWESOMENESS DURING THESE TIMES--
Wife didn't die. How understated is that. She was given her last rights by the priest in that hospital when she was in preterm labor with Uno. She didn't die and neither did Uno. Wife and I sinned by having premarital sex, yet Our God blessed us with an amazing daughter who was instrumental in bringing Wife and I to Him. Words can't even begin to describe the awe I feel when I think about this.

When my mother passed away, I was so absolutely angry with her. What a dark time. It was a perfect opportunity for Satan to take control of me. I wasn't ready to hear Jesus...but He was there to guide me through those issues. Through my amazing wife and children, God more than gave me a reason to continue trying to be the "good person" I always thought I was. But He knew...He knew I would come to Him a broken man and turn all I have in this world over to Him.

God also knew what it was going to take to get me open my eyes to Him. He put Wife and I into a church that showed the truths about Him. Had He not put us in CrossWay Church but rather some dry church or another catholic church, I know I would have quit. But instead we were sitting in a seat (not a pew) and listened to this Pastor talk about football and his children and wife. God uses all things of this world, to remove us from this world. (if that makes sense)

Final part tomorrow.

God is Good!

Testimony - Meeting Wife

After my parents divorced, my mother, brother, sister and I lived in that same house for a few years. My mother had started to date other guys and at various times they lived with us. Pretty awkward, having to answer to some guy who didn't know me from any other kid. It was at this time that my mother started to drink. She never really got into the drinking business, at least that I knew of, when my parents were married.

He boyfriends were awful influences on her. And who knows what kind of influence she had on them. After a year or so of dating and drinking and not working, our house was being foreclosed on. She and her boyfriend had started to renovate the house, and the logical place to start was the bathroom, naturally pulling up the floors. I was about a 1/2 year away from graduating high school. So being the mature mom she was, she allowed me to stay living in the house, while she and my siblings moved in with her boyfriend. For about 6 months or so, I lived in an abandoned house with no electricity, no hot water and a dirt floor in the bathroom.

After I graduated high school, I moved in with my grandmother for a few months and then with a friend. I eventually got a job working security and got an apartment with 2 of my best friends. This is the time that I met the most beautiful girl in the world, who would one day become my wife.

God changed my life forever on June 17th, 1995. My buddy and I were out "cruising for chicks" and we were following this car with 2 girls in it. They wouldn't stop to talk to us. This went on for a good 15 minutes or so. We didn't realize that there was a car with 2 girls following US around. Once we noticed that, we aborted our mission and pulled over. It was GO time...time put on some sweet moves on these 2 lovely ladies.

I didn't say a word when I got out of the car to talk :) My buddy did all the talking and as much as I love him to pieces, they weren't impressed. The girls took our numbers down and wrote "dorks" next to them. But, for whatever reason, Wife called me (actually paged me...love the 90's). Lets remember I was the fat smelly kid in high school...just coming into my own as a young man. I hadn't had too many girlfriends in my life. And holy smokes, this amazingly beautiful girl, who I didn't say a word too, called me. If that doesn't show God is watching out for us all, I don't know what will!!!!

We went on our first date on June 22nd and were officially dating on June 25th. We spent everyday together and really have ever since. And I mean that literally, everyday. People thought it wasn't right that an almost 17 year old and almost 19 year old should spend so much time together, but it just felt right and natural. She was the first person who just loved me for me. It was an amazing feeling (and still is.)

She helped me through so much emotional baggage, pushing me and guiding me through counselling. She persevered through my anger issues, control issues, my hatred towards anyone not named Wife and many other things that I brought to the table. She'll tell you it wasn't easy. It didn't help that neither of us were really seeking the Lord at those times.

--GOD'S AWESOMENESS DURING THESE TIMES--
While my mother was dating and drinking, she'd "let" me take her car out on the weekends, when I didn't even have my license. Crazy! I think about how many times I should have been pulled over or maybe gotten into accidents, yet none of that happened. God watched over me and made sure I didn't get into too much trouble.

God is so amazing and good. The 1 blessing I thank God for more than any other (besides His dying on the cross) is the blessing of Wife. He brought to me the absolute PERFECT person for me for that time in my life. I'd like to think that for that time in Wife's life, I brought something to the table as well, but in reality it was mostly about my issues. Most girls would have had said thanks, but no thanks. Most girls would have dated me for a summer and moved on when school started back up. But not Wife, she had the right temperament, heart, dreams, desires, loving tenderness to put up with and, in Christian terms, "walk with me". I think about where I'd be had I met anyone else...and I always think I'd be drinking, smoking, drugging...doing who knows what for work.

(and for the record...I have tears in my eyes writing this...Thank you so much Lord!!!!....and if you are reading this: Thank You Wife...you will never know how you saved my life and help mold me into the person I am now. No words can ever express how lost I'd be without you.)

More later....

God is Good!

If I Had Only Know Then...

*Adoption Update - We are closer to having Maggy, JD and Isaac home. The social worker met up with their parents in Liberia and verified that they understand what adoption means and that they wanted to go through with having their children adoption. That is a huge relief. We are paper or 2 away from having all the paperwork complete. After that we need to wait for clearance from both governments. It's getting closer though! I'll keep you all up to date as things happen.

-----------------

So I am in total awe. I'm in Dallas for some work related training and I am out here with a coworker who is a great guy. I've been getting to know him more as we begin to work together (I'm switching job roles at work, same work, different software). He and I got to talking at dinner last night, and my whole life story/testimony came out. It wasn't an intentional "time to preach" conversation. It just was a part of the conversation...a natural thing for me to talk about with him as we shared parts of our growing up lives with each other.

I'm in awe because, when I was growing up, if I had known then what I know now, it would have made it more bearable to live back then. God has been so AMAZING to me, even when I wasn't thinking about Him, living for Him, caring about Him. I'm humbled to tears when I think about it. He has watched over me, picked me up, moved me out of harms way, allowed me to make mistakes and He has loved me for my entire life, even when I wasn't loving Him.

I've been praying about this, and I feel like it's the right thing to do. Over the next few days, I'm going to write out my testimony on here. I don't know why I feel like I need to, but I feel like it's the right thing to do. Many of you know the story of how God has worked in my life, some don't. It's my prayer that, as you read it, you will think about all God has done in your life and give Him all the thanks, praise and glory.

I pray God's blessing on all who stop by and keep up with the the happenings in my and my families life.

God is Good!

What's Your Story

"If you cannot stand up and share how you came into a relationship with our Lord, then your Christianity should be questioned!"

God spoke this one truth straight to my heart one night as we were in Romania talking to our friend Doru. He has been doing God's work for almost 20 years now in the Romanian orphanages, children's homes and prisons. Doru appreciated the willingness we had as a team to share Jesus with the children, through skit, bible teaching and personal testimonies. I had been so nervous that whole trip to get up in front of a large group of people, in a foreign country, to share "my" story of salvation. (is it really my story...or just another chapter in the book of Life Jesus has already written?). I prayed over that statement Doru made and it put my heart at ease, knowing it's part of my job as a Christian to share Jesus with the world. For me, a HUGE part of that is my life and story of salvation.

I still get a little shaky inside when asked to share my testimony with people. But I also look forward to sharing my story with anyone who wants to hear it. God used so many different things in my life to bring me to Him. Who am I to judge how moving my little story is or how big of an impactful it can make? He will use my story as needed. He will use your story as well.

We watched "How I Met Your Mother" last night. It's a typical show of the world, about boozing it up, sexing it up and just living for "me". (see "crier" post). Last nights episode was all about each character telling their stories. These stories were about when they lost their virginity. They were so eager and willing to share their stories of teenage, premarital sex. Am I one to judge on that subject? I don't think so. It just struck my so ironic that the world, the world that Christians are to be the salt and light to, is so willing to talk about THEIR feelings, THEIR experiences, THEIR ambitions.

How willing are we to share how God has changed our lives? Do we find it easy to talk about OUR feelings, OUR experiences, OUR ambitions which the Lord has blessed us, transformed us and guides us with?

Something that is so easily overlooked: The great Paul, writer of all those little books at the end of the bible, He was a Christian killer. He was hand picked and transformed by Jesus, just like we are and Saul took HIS testimony and used that to spread the Word of God, just like we are to do.
-----------------------------------------------

So...for the record...I never intended this Blog space to be all preachy and whatever. These are the thoughts that have been coming to mind lately. I will at some point get some more humor on here or sports or something...I think :)

God is Good!