Holy 409

Aaaahhhh...to be so new to it all. It's happened a few times now, I read something or learn something new at church and it hits me like a ton of bricks. My eyes are opened and I feel like a new creature in God again. This happened a few weeks ago as our pastor taught through Psalm 51. I hear it, I feel it and I start praying it and God just fires me up with his amazing lovingkindness. I then run to people and tell them all about it and how amazing it is and how it can too change your life. Most people down here are life long Christians and they give me a look like "Boy...you ain't from 'round these parts are ya?"

Have you ever taken time to read through Psalm 51 ? If not I recommend you sit down for an hour or so, read through it, pray it out loud to God. He teaches us to pray back to Him His word and Psalm 51 is a perfect piece of wisdom to pray right back to Him. I've asked God to take out the Holy 409 and clean me even more on the inside.

-----

A whirlwind of family times came to a close on Monday. During the last week in June we had my father in law and his wife in town for 5 days. It was great to sit and talk with them at night and just share our new family with them. It's always a treat for me to get some time with my father in law. He and Wife's mom were always amazing to me, in every way possible. (I still say to this day I never technically lived with them after Uno was born, but I can only say that because I didn't have mail delivered there...I did have my own room though.) It was great to talk about God with them and get a glimpse into their lives and relationships with Jesus. It's such an inspiration to me to see others living out the life God has put before them.

Then last week we had Wife's brother Andy come stay with us for a week or so with his wife Maureen and daughter Ashley. It was the first time I got to sit with them as a Christian and listen with an open heart, their views and thoughts and share my thoughts and views of Jesus and our lives here on earth. We got to share how God is working in our lives, prayed together and just hung out for the week. There was a lot of sore arms and necks from playing games on the Wii :)

I realized a few things from these visits. First, God is amazing and so in control of everything everywhere. Hearing stories about my father in law being talked to by God in the middle of the night and working on new ministry ideas. While doing that, God is pushing Andy to start his new life at a new church and giving him the peace he needs to make that transition. At the same time He is working on Wife and I with the adoption and patience. From Tennessee to Massachusetts to Texas, God is right there in control of it all. And that isn't even beginning to think about all the people all over the world God is with. Psalm 121 teaches us that God does not slumber nor sleep...think about the enormity of that.

Second I learned that God has really worked in me the last year or so. Biblical knowledge I didn't think I was retaining is actually in there. God has really opened my eyes to how He expects me to live and raise my family. I was so afraid I was going to be "different" when the family was in town, but I feel like I am really building a foundation on solid rock and not sinking sand. I don't know if we will ever be called to move back home or anywhere outside of where we are now. What I do know is, if it ever happens, God plan for us being here is working and we are so much stronger in Him. I believe He moved us down here, to remove us from all that kept us from Him. I can't wait to see how He uses us as we continue to grow.

----
Adoption Update: If you haven't been reading Wife's blog, you should be :). Seite is in the hospital and that is absolutely nerve wracking. He has been throwing up for a while now and they brought him to give him fluids and medication to try and stop it. It all sounds so basic and trivial, but in Africa it isn't. Too many babies, children and adults die of dehydration.

Cinco and Tres, from what we have been told are doing good. We got a new group picture and we can see Tres (fingers in mouth and all) and Tres in it and they look pretty good. Seite couldn't be found in the picture, we think we can see half of his head behind someone.

We are getting closer to traveling. Our paper work is moving along and passports are in. We are now just waiting for the "OK" to travel. I'm taking one my friends from the Liberia mission trip with me. He's going to help out with the 3 little ones. He's an amazing young man and I feel honored to be going with him.

I think that's all I have for now. Stupidly long post today, sorry. :) Hopefully I'll have more in the next few days.

All to His Glory

Life Goes On

Well we are moving on with life! Not adopting the 3 kiddos from Liberia still stings and we are still dealing with the feelings involved as a family. But, it's not holding us back. Someday we will look back and see how God used this time to further His kingdom, so for now we just rest in the fact that He is sovereign and in control. I wish it were easy to just remove my human feelings from it all, because I'm still hurt and confused and sad and mad.

I do wonder if those 3 kids going back to their parents is an answered prayer for them. I know I get so hung up on why God is doing this or that to me or my family, when I need to remember it's not all about me and my prayers. God hasn't said to us, "No more kids for you"...He's just said, "Not these 3 kids". Life is such an amazing journey.

So for now we are still attempting to buy a new house and sell our current house. If that all falls though, there will be another "what the trash" post :). We are still gearing up for the next adoption...it'll happen. I've never "known for sure" or "had that feeling" when it comes to kids and adoption, Wife has always had those feelings. I just know God has made me 100% sure we will adopt again. Maybe it won't be 3 more, may not be as soon as we would have hoped for and it may or may not be a baby. Who knows other than God!

Other News:
Please pray for my sister in law, Maureen and her family. She just lost her Mom to cancer and now is going in to have some lumps removed and tested.


And Lastly I ask that while you are praying, to keep all the kids of the world in your prayers. Adoption has really opened my eyes and heart to the fact that so many children are in need and alone.

God is Good my friends....He is Good.

Testimony - A New Life

Wife and I move alot. We are currently in our 4th house in 6 years. In November of 2003 we moved to Oxford Massachusetts and started going to CrossPoint church. I was so uncomfortable looking for a new church. And when I say I was uncomfortable looking for a new church, I mean I was uncomfortable with Wife looking for a new church. I took no interest in finding one. As much as god was starting to stir in me, I was ready to drop this whole "church" thing and not go anymore. BUT, low and behold she found a church similar to CrossWay in our last town. So we went, some of us more begrudgingly then others.

This was the first taste of God showing is humor and power. He moved us from a place I was comfortable being one of the faces in the crowd, to Touchy/Feely Central. The pastor there, Jeff...he freaked me out to no end. He's a hyper, huggy, jumping up and down, outwardly a Jesus Freak. Here I am, just barely getting comfortable with the idea of church, and now this guy would tell me he loves me, hug me, ask about my family and work. In a word - "Nut Job". (ok that's 2 words, but you get the point). I was ready to quit but once again, Uno and now Dos kept me going. I never want to disappoint my kids and wife. I have many times, probably will a few more times, but I knew I wouldn't have been a disappointment to them if I kept going, even if my heart wasn't fully in it.

Jeff turned out to be one of the key reasons I accepted Jesus. All that freaked out nonsense turned into a real deep respect. I still never showed I was into all the stuff the church was doing, but every Sunday we would be there and I would be soaking it all in. We stayed at that church for just about 2 years until we moved (again). I had accepted a job in Mayberry and we were moving out of New England for the first time.

About that job in Marberry: A Divine Move by God. Wife and I couldn't afford the bills and cost of living where we were. In September or October of 2004, I started to look for a new job. I wanted to work with one software so that's all I did my job searches on. Fast forward to March of 05, with no real leads on a job. I gave in and did 1 search for the software I did not want to work with anymore, applied to 2 of the jobs I found. A week later Wife and I are on the plane to Mayberry to interview for the job I eventually took.

As we prepared to move to Mayberry, we were cleaning out our house for the move. I brought a bunch of donation items over to the church and I had a short, but life changing talk with Jeff. I apologized to him for never being the religious type and for always being so quiet and non responsive to him and the church. He talked to me for a little while and told me, and these words will stay with me forever, “It’s not how religious you are, it’s how your relationship with Him is”. (to many, this may be the most "whatever" statement, or full of so much common sense, but for me then and even now, it was like someone took the blindfold off.

Those words stuck with me as I drove by myself to Mayberry, to start my new job. Wife and the kids would meet me down there a few weeks later. That 4 day drive down from Massachusetts to Texas ended up being me and God having a 4 day conversation. I gave my life to Jesus on that trip. Each night in whatever hotel I was staying in, I would be reading something from the bible, trying to figure out what I just accepted. I'd end up thinking about how real Ron was. I'd think about the passion Jeff portrayed. I'd think about how Andy and Wife changed, but didn't change (if that makes sense). I'd pray about Jesus up on that cross. It was an amazing 4 days. I want to say it was totally quiet and solemn, but I had Metallica and Korn playing in the background. :) It's was and still is a life long process!

Life didn’t change too dramatically for me right away. I was more comfortable going to church. I actually looked forward to finding a church with Wife , instead of her finding it and I just tag along. In the 2 years or so that I've been focusing on Jesus, Wife and my lives have changes so much. We've adopted 2 little girls. I've cleaned out my closet with my wife and God saved a marriage. I've been on a few mission trips. We are adopting again :).

Those are all nice and fine...but the most important thing I see that has happened is Wife and I are trying to make decisions for God and not for us. We focus on God and our family. Wife pretty much always has focused on the family...I was so focused on me. God has really moved me to clean up my act. And while I'm still a sinner (aren't we all)...my eyes are focused up and not around.

--GOD'S AWESOMENESS DURING THESE TIMES--

Did you read that I spent 4 days talking to him :) How amazing is that? God picked me and my family up from Massachusetts and all the distractions that were pulling us away from Him (or in my case, the distractions keeping me from Him) and He plopped us down in the middle of nowhere. Literally...We are about 5 hours away from any major cities. But He knew, and we understand that this is what was needed.

I pray that this story will inspire someone who isn't in a relationship with Jesus to see: If God can save a sorry, selfish, self serving person like me, He more than wants to have that intimate 1 on 1 relationship with you. And for those who have fallen away...No matter what you may have done, not done, how quiet it may be or how noisy it seems...He's still there and he's waiting for you to come back home.

My last post about my testimony will be directly related to missions and adoption.

God is Good!

Testimony - Transformation Begins

Wife and I were married on June 26th, 1999, but not before enduring a lot of past issues I brought into the relationship. Anger and depression were the focus of my life, until Wife got pregnant in 1998. During that pregnancy, she almost died (as did the 26 week fetus, later known as Uno!) due to complications. It’s at this time that the reality of something else was at play in this world. I want to say I hit my knees and prayed, but I didn't. But it was the first time I remember thinking, IF there is a God, I hope he's working up there to fix this.

After being married for 2 years or so, we moved out of our first apartment together into our first house. It was about this time that Wife started to go to church with her brother and fully gave her life over to Jesus. As she started to grow in her relationship with God, she made sure to go every Sunday taking Uno with her. I used staying home with our young son as my excuse for not going. But in reality, I was just totally uninterested in the whole church scene. I wasn't religious...and those words would come back to slap me in the face a few short years later.

In January 2002, my father called me and told me my mother was dead. She was living with my sister and her mother in a double wide up in Maine and she was found face first on the floor. What an enormous kick in the stomach. Even though she said she wasn't drinking, I knew she was an alcoholic. I just had no idea she was close to dying because of it. We are told she had an ammonia burst in her brain, due to cirrhosis of the liver. Cleaning out her home, we found empty bottles under her bed. That totally broke my heart. She and I had so much unresolved conflict and situations. Mostly around her drinking and me needing to be away from that and not putting my young family into situations to be around it. She thought I didn't love her anymore and didn't want her to know my children. How so far from the truth. I was so mad at her for just up and dying on us without working with me to fix it all. It's my prayer now that she did know Jesus and she is worshipping our king. I know our "issues" are resolved now and I just pray I can have time to worship with her someday.

I hated church. I hated the awkwardness of it, I hated the staleness of it. I hated the hugging and touching. I hated the singing. I would sweat and feel sick and uncomfortable. It didn't help that for the most part, the only churches I ever set foot in were Catholic. (sweet depression!) I stayed home while Wife went to church every week. She didn't push me, but she made sure I knew she didn't approve.

As time went on, the onslaught from these "Bible Thumpers" (by bible thumpers I mean my wife and her brother) happened more often. Wife and I would "discuss" the bible and I'd have every reason in the world why it was fake. One time in particular that stands out to me, was a night at the dining room table. It was me, Wife and Andy (her brother) and we would just go back and forth...it was an amazing debate. I'd get so upset inside, but still push forward with my thoughts and views. I remember saying so many bad things about the stories, the realness of the bible and about Mary and Joseph (I still apologize Lord for those thoughts.).

As Dos (our son) got to an age where I couldn't use him as my "reason" for staying home, as well as Uno being older and questioning why I wasn't going with them, I finally had to go to church. Uno is the most amazing little girl and is the biggest reason I am the slave to Christ I am. If she wasn't so in touch with God at such a young age and wasn't so concerned over me not going, I don't know if I would have gone at all.

CrossWay church in Nashua New Hampshire is where I first heard about Jesus in a church setting. I had heard about Him all the time from my wife and her brother, but when I would be in a church, I never paid any attention. This church though, is where my curiosity was peeked. I wasn’t looking to become “religious” (that word again), so I just listened and in doing so I started to become interested. The pastor (Ron) at that church was the first “religious”(that word just keeps following me) person I had seen that was what I would have considered normal. This guy would talk about sports and his kids and the normal parts of life. It was all about Jesus, but he was so open with his human qualities. I didn’t think much of it then, but I think about that a lot when I look back on my journey to find Christ. I give so much credit to certain people (and 1 God), but this one pastor up in Nashua NH has no idea how much he influenced me and my thoughts/impressions of Christianity.

I'd like to say it was here I gave it all to God...but I was and still am a stubborn little boy. I'd still hang out at church quietly, arms folded and not very personable. BUT, the seed was planted....

--GOD'S AWESOMENESS DURING THESE TIMES--
Wife didn't die. How understated is that. She was given her last rights by the priest in that hospital when she was in preterm labor with Uno. She didn't die and neither did Uno. Wife and I sinned by having premarital sex, yet Our God blessed us with an amazing daughter who was instrumental in bringing Wife and I to Him. Words can't even begin to describe the awe I feel when I think about this.

When my mother passed away, I was so absolutely angry with her. What a dark time. It was a perfect opportunity for Satan to take control of me. I wasn't ready to hear Jesus...but He was there to guide me through those issues. Through my amazing wife and children, God more than gave me a reason to continue trying to be the "good person" I always thought I was. But He knew...He knew I would come to Him a broken man and turn all I have in this world over to Him.

God also knew what it was going to take to get me open my eyes to Him. He put Wife and I into a church that showed the truths about Him. Had He not put us in CrossWay Church but rather some dry church or another catholic church, I know I would have quit. But instead we were sitting in a seat (not a pew) and listened to this Pastor talk about football and his children and wife. God uses all things of this world, to remove us from this world. (if that makes sense)

Final part tomorrow.

God is Good!

Testimony - Meeting Wife

After my parents divorced, my mother, brother, sister and I lived in that same house for a few years. My mother had started to date other guys and at various times they lived with us. Pretty awkward, having to answer to some guy who didn't know me from any other kid. It was at this time that my mother started to drink. She never really got into the drinking business, at least that I knew of, when my parents were married.

He boyfriends were awful influences on her. And who knows what kind of influence she had on them. After a year or so of dating and drinking and not working, our house was being foreclosed on. She and her boyfriend had started to renovate the house, and the logical place to start was the bathroom, naturally pulling up the floors. I was about a 1/2 year away from graduating high school. So being the mature mom she was, she allowed me to stay living in the house, while she and my siblings moved in with her boyfriend. For about 6 months or so, I lived in an abandoned house with no electricity, no hot water and a dirt floor in the bathroom.

After I graduated high school, I moved in with my grandmother for a few months and then with a friend. I eventually got a job working security and got an apartment with 2 of my best friends. This is the time that I met the most beautiful girl in the world, who would one day become my wife.

God changed my life forever on June 17th, 1995. My buddy and I were out "cruising for chicks" and we were following this car with 2 girls in it. They wouldn't stop to talk to us. This went on for a good 15 minutes or so. We didn't realize that there was a car with 2 girls following US around. Once we noticed that, we aborted our mission and pulled over. It was GO time...time put on some sweet moves on these 2 lovely ladies.

I didn't say a word when I got out of the car to talk :) My buddy did all the talking and as much as I love him to pieces, they weren't impressed. The girls took our numbers down and wrote "dorks" next to them. But, for whatever reason, Wife called me (actually paged me...love the 90's). Lets remember I was the fat smelly kid in high school...just coming into my own as a young man. I hadn't had too many girlfriends in my life. And holy smokes, this amazingly beautiful girl, who I didn't say a word too, called me. If that doesn't show God is watching out for us all, I don't know what will!!!!

We went on our first date on June 22nd and were officially dating on June 25th. We spent everyday together and really have ever since. And I mean that literally, everyday. People thought it wasn't right that an almost 17 year old and almost 19 year old should spend so much time together, but it just felt right and natural. She was the first person who just loved me for me. It was an amazing feeling (and still is.)

She helped me through so much emotional baggage, pushing me and guiding me through counselling. She persevered through my anger issues, control issues, my hatred towards anyone not named Wife and many other things that I brought to the table. She'll tell you it wasn't easy. It didn't help that neither of us were really seeking the Lord at those times.

--GOD'S AWESOMENESS DURING THESE TIMES--
While my mother was dating and drinking, she'd "let" me take her car out on the weekends, when I didn't even have my license. Crazy! I think about how many times I should have been pulled over or maybe gotten into accidents, yet none of that happened. God watched over me and made sure I didn't get into too much trouble.

God is so amazing and good. The 1 blessing I thank God for more than any other (besides His dying on the cross) is the blessing of Wife. He brought to me the absolute PERFECT person for me for that time in my life. I'd like to think that for that time in Wife's life, I brought something to the table as well, but in reality it was mostly about my issues. Most girls would have had said thanks, but no thanks. Most girls would have dated me for a summer and moved on when school started back up. But not Wife, she had the right temperament, heart, dreams, desires, loving tenderness to put up with and, in Christian terms, "walk with me". I think about where I'd be had I met anyone else...and I always think I'd be drinking, smoking, drugging...doing who knows what for work.

(and for the record...I have tears in my eyes writing this...Thank you so much Lord!!!!....and if you are reading this: Thank You Wife...you will never know how you saved my life and help mold me into the person I am now. No words can ever express how lost I'd be without you.)

More later....

God is Good!

Lucky Number 7

7...what a number. 1 more than 6, 1 less than 8. So good a number that Boston Bruins great Ray Bourque wore 2 of them on his hockey jersey (77). Seven...so good that it's the "luckiest" number of them all. There are 7 days in a week and 7 dwarfs who help snow white. Charles Dickens was born on Feb 7th (1812). Matches were first sold on April 7th (1827 in England). Billy Graham was born on Nov 7 (1918). 7...what a great number.

I got to thinking about all the books in the Bible that have a 7th chapter. (thank you Jon for the idea) In each of them a command or vital life teaching is taught. I've listed some of them below. God commands, We listen. That's what life is right? I'm sure you wondering why I am going on and on about the number 7? Well it is 2007. And what a better way to celebrate the "lucky" number 7...then by having 7 children :) God willing we will indeed have that many. 2 Biological, 2 domestically adopted and 3 adopted from Liberia. Augustus' parents were tracked down and they relinquished their rights to him...as well as his 5 year old brother and 8 year old sister. Guess who will probably be coming to live with us? Yep, Augustus (2 or 3 yrs old) and his 5 year old brother and 8 year old sister.

Taking a step in obedience of the Lord is sometimes easy (Mathew 7 - don't judge others), sometimes it's hard (Judges 7 - Hey Gideon, go slay an army with only 300 men) and sometimes it so over your head and out of the realms of understanding (Genesis 7 - Yea Noah, God here and I'm thinking about drowning out everything I created, so how about you go build a boat, put your family on it and every animal, bird and crawly thing. Oh why don't you stay on there until I tell you it's clear to get off of it. Super, thanks!).

If God provides these 3 new children to us, I will categorize this blessing/command as totally over my head. That being said, if you were feeling the need to pray for something, feel free to pass up a prayer of peace and sanity over our house. I don't like asking for prayers, but this adventure we are about to embark on, it's larger than any one we have ever been on. God has put us at ease about this decision, but that doesn't mean it'll be easy or doubt won't creep in. I pray that he will continuously prepare our hearts and minds for the naysayers, the adversity, the stress, the good times, the bad times, the funny looks of strangers, the gossip, the financial obligations, the nights of tears, the nights of giggles, the dances, the games, the unity of our family.

I'll be writing more about this as the process goes along.

Psalm 7:17 (of course it's 7:7teen) - I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High.

God is Good!

---Some of the Chapter 7's from the Bible------

Genesis 7 - God commands Noah to build the ark
Exodus 7 - God commands Moses and Aaron to say everything He commands them. God commands Aaron to tell Pharaoh to let the Israelites out of Egypt
Numbers 7 - God commands Moses to accept offerings at the Tent of Meeting and give them to the Levites as required
Deuteronomy 7 - God gives His command to Israel for driving out the nations
Joshua 7 - God commands Joshua to remove from Israel that which is devoted to destruction
Judges 7 - God commands Gideon to defeat the midianites with 300 men
2 Samuel 7 - God promises David that his name will be made great, and God will establish a house for him.
2 Chronicles 7 - God commands Solomon to observe His commands and decrees. In return God promises to establish Solomon’s royal throne
Nehemiah 7 - God commands Nehemiah to assemble those who will return
Ecclesiastes 7 - God teaches us about wisdom
Zechariah 7 - god commands Zechariah to love, show mercy and do not think evil of each other
Matthew 7 - Jesus teaches on judging others and if you ask you shall receive, knock and the door will be opened
Luke 7 - Jesus teaches that through faith He will heal, raise the dead and bless us
John 7 - Jesus teaches that all who believe in Him, the streams of living water will flow from within him
Acts 7 - The prophet is quoted "The earth in my footstool, Has not my hand made all these things?"

1 Down...How Many More to Go???

So as many already know, and for those who don't know...Augustus, as of right now, will not be coming into our family. As seasoned veterans of the game of adoption, it should not have come as a surprise, which it didn't. BUT surprised or not, the sting is still there. I pray for him and whatever family he has that will be apart of his life.

That all being said, I got to thinking and reading and praying. In doing so my favorite story in the bible "popped" into my head, so I turned to it and read it again. The Prodigal Son has so many great things to it, yet for me right now, it was a perfect call for me to be excited and ready. For those who don't know the story or want to read it again, it's here: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%2015:11-32;&version=49;

Reading through it, it doesn't pertain exactly to not bringing home another child. But it did make me think about how excited and happy God is when we return to Him after turning our backs on him. In the same way the father in the Prodigal son parable is looking for his son to return (20But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.), I too will be ready to run to my new son and embrace him and make him an official part of our family.

This story goes on to talk about how the father has the fattened calf killed to eat. I can't promise I'll be busting out the old calf killing...maybe I can make him some grilled cheese or something :)

God is Good people...even when it feels like life is blah...He is Still Good...I'd even go as far to say...He's Perfect. (bold I know...but that's what I am...a risk taker)

God is Good!

Well That Was FAST!!!

So as a quick follow up to my last post...you know listening to God...bringing another baby home...all that jazz. Yea God is pretty darn fast. Wednesday Night at around 4pm or so, Wife got a call from Pastor Wesley. Long story short - We are starting the process on a little guy!! 2 year old Augustus was dropped off at Pastor Wesleys house and his mom relinquished the rights to him. So God gave me about 20 hours or so to digest the fact that we are adopting again.

I think at times, God forgets that I like to make the jokes...I don't like it when he makes the jokes!! Sweet Gracious.

God is Good!

Christmas - Praises to God

This is a Christmas light show that we saw when in Brussels.

Christmas is in 3 short days. It's taken me a little bit to get back into the swing of things, but I'm in the spirit now. The last few nights we have been working on Praises to God with the kids during our devotions time. I thought I'd just write out the things I praise Jesus for in my life.

I praise God for:

• Wife: the most incredible woman I have ever met. God molded the perfect person for me to grow old with and without her I'd be a lost soul.
• Uno, Dos, Quatro and Seis: 4 precious kids who are beautiful, funny, creative, dedicated, devoted and the most well behaved children a parent could ask for. My life is rich each night I come home and am greeted by 4 huge hugs.
• Family and friends: Growing up the chubby smelly kid, I could never have imagined being as loved as I am. My family, Wife's family, our friends in New England and in Texas...I'm truly blessed by our friendship and our times together.
• The opportunity to see new parts of the world this year: God has opened my eyes to see how reliant we all are on Him. Regardless of our economical situations, we all need and desire a relationship with God.
• The gift of eternal life: This gift we all have received through the birth, crucifixion and reserection of our Lord Jesus Christ. John 3:16&17 says: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."

I pray for all of you and your families. Have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and may you all have a blessed and properous New Year!!